Traditional stories

Jack and the Portal

In 2621 on the Planet Zordo, a young but poor boy carefully fixed his droid, which was the only source of income he had left. Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet (that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game).

“Please fix the droid properly this time,” his mother begged. “And when you’ve finished, take it to the market to be sold,” she cried.

“Yes mother,” Jack groaned and nodded as he said it. Quickly, he picked up the droid and raced out of the door before he was shouted at again.

Within a few minutes he was already at the alley way which led to the market, when an old man in rags blocked his way.

“Where are you going with that droid boy?” asked the curious looking old man.

“I intend to sell it at the market, Sir,” Jack said through gritted teeth, feeling angry at being disrupted from his walk.

The peculiar old man examined the droid for a minute then looked back to Jack.

“I will trade your droid for this marvellous stick young man,” he said with an eager look on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Jack stared at the stick for a moment. It was crippled, useless and definitely worth less than the droid.

“Why would I want a good for nothing stick?” he replied, hoping that the man would just leave him alone. The old man was disappointed but persevered, he tried again to persuade Jack to do the trade.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The sound of the stick was loud as it was knocked against the cobbled ground. “You see?” the elderly man said.

“See what?” asked Jack, more confused than ever.

“The portal, to another dimension.” The old man pointed to his left.

Puzzled, Jack walked over to the mysterious, multi-coloured hole that had appeared in the wall. As Jack figured out what he was looking at, he turned back to the old man and was speechless.

Finally, Jack shrieked, “I’ll take your trade old man!” Jack ran home as fast as he could the moment the old man gave him the stick.

“You’re back already; where’s the money then?” Mother asked.

“I didn’t get as far as the market,” Jack spluttered excitedly, “Because I traded the droid for this magic stick, which is so much better than money!”

Mother clenched her fists as her cheeks burned red, “What do you mean, you traded the droid?” mother bellowed, her cheeks were now a plum shade. “What were you thinking Jack?” she screamed. Jack hastily left the room before his mother exploded with rage, he was determined to see what was in the portal.

Tap. Tap. Tap

Again, an unusual, but incredible, swirling hole appeared right in front of Jack’s eyes. Should I sacrifice my life by going to another dimension? He thought to himself. But by the time he had thought about his decision, he had already been sucked in by the force of the stick. Jack looked around in amazement, the dimension was out of this world!

He ducked as something he didn’t recognise swooped over his head, when he looked up he saw an evil, giant like figure scurrying over to what looked like a secret safe.

Surreptitiously, the giant typed in a code and the lasers that were guarding the safe disappeared, letting him collect his gold. Suddenly, a hologram appeared of the elderly man which said – one tap of the portal stick will freeze time.

Jack couldn’t resist. He immediately tapped the magical stick onto the floor. BOOM! Everything was still, apart from Jack who went to search the extraordinary dimension that he found himself in.

“Gold!” Jack shouted and he grabbed as much as he could carry. Tap. The stick accidently fell and hit the floor. Instantly the giant turned towards Jack, he saw that he was trying to steal some of his gold – he was furious.

“Quick Jack, this way,” ushered the hologram of the old man. Jack jumped straight into the portal hole.

“Jack, get up, it’s time for you to set out for work!” exclaimed mother. Jack slowly peeled his eyes open. “What is this good for nothing stick doing down here?” mother asked. Silence filled the house as Jack took a long look around. Just as he was starting to think that the portal was just an extraordinary dream, he heard his mum shout, “Jack, Jack, GOLD!”

“Coming mother,” Jack shrieked, feeling overjoyed.

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Author: Mr L

The Blogfather for Oxford Road Community School.

27 thoughts on “Traditional stories”

  1. Please fix the droid properly this time,In 2621 on the Planet Zordo,The portal to another dimension.This is the technical language that gives you that sci-fi feeling.
    A young but poor boy carefully fixed his droid.This is a expanded noun phrase because the noun is the boy and they add even more information about him.
    Quickly, he picked up the droid and raced out of the door before he was shouted at again.This is dialogue.It gives more info about the character’s emotion and what they are doing while they are talking.

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    1. “Yes mother,” Jack groaned and nodded as he said it.
      This is a piece of dialogue that I have taken from the text. The dialogue tag in this sentence is a type of show not tell because it shows how Jack is feeling as he said it. “Groaned” is the word that sets the scene and without it, if you were acting, you would not know what expression to put in your voice

      “Droid” is a word that gives a sci-fi feeling to the text. Some other examples are: portal, micro tablet and dimension.

      “In 2621 on the Planet Zordo” is an opener that suggests that this text is set in the future. The sci-fi words als0 give a hint of the future to this story.

      “(that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game).” This is a relative clause because it begins with a relative pronoun. The parenthesis in this sentence are brackets because they separate the relative clause.

      “a young but poor boy” is an expanded noun phrase. I know this because it has a noun (boy) and extra information around it to give more detail.

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    2. you have used all of the features except one [ present perfect verb form] maybe next time you could try looking for it even harder.
      Also [Quickly, he picked up the droid and raced out of the door before he was shouted at again ] is not dialogue.

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    3. I think that you have got confused with dialogue. You have mentioned: Quickly, he picked up the droid and raced out of the door before he was shouted at again. This is dialogue.: This is incorrect because dialogue is when a person is talking. The dialogue would be the part in speech marks. Here is an example: “Yes, mother.” This is dialogue because it has speech marks and a person is talking. I hope you understand now.

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  2. a young but poor boy-expanded noun phrase an expanded noun phrase is extra detail about the noun it works in this text because its telling detail about the boy and other characters.

    “Please fix the droid properly this time,”-this is dialogue [speech] if this text didn’t have dialogue in it there would just be narrating int and it will be very BORING.

    which was the only source of income he had left.-relative clause a relative clause is a clause that adds extra information about something.

    parenthesis-are bracket[ ] semicolon; and dashes-

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  3. “In 2621 on the Planet Zordo,”……..This phrase shows you that the story is set a long time in the future which also shows you that the story is ‘sci-fi ‘ .
    “The portal, to another dimension.”……Thus phrase also shows you that the story is sci-fi because in the sentence there is the word portal and portals are not real.

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  4. “I intend to sell it at the market, Sir,” This is dialogue, basically speech. without dialogue the story would just be narration the whole time,BORING!!!!

    In 2621 on the Planet Zordo This is futuristic languige seeing that we are in 2016 and this story is set in 2621. also , for younger kids planet zordo does not exist.

    [] [thease are brackets they are home to a relative clause] they help alot you can use it for info that isn’t vital

    “you’ve finished,” this is present perfect verb form

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  5. ” Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet (that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game).”…..This is a parenthesis.
    “Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet”……This is a relative clause.
    tories

    Jack and the Portal

    In 2621 on the Planet Zordo, a young but poor boy carefully fixed his droid, which was the only source of income he had left. Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet (that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game).

    “Please fix the droid properly this time,” his mother begged. “And when you’ve finished, take it to the market to be sold,” she cried.

    “Yes mother,” Jack groaned and nodded as he said it. Quickly, he picked up the droid and raced out of the door before he was shouted at again.

    Within a few minutes he was already at the alley way which led to the market, when an old man in rags blocked his way.

    “Where are you going with that droid boy?” asked the curious looking old man.

    “I intend to sell it at the market, Sir,” Jack said through gritted teeth, feeling angry at being disrupted from his walk.

    “The peculiar old man examined the droid for a minute then looked back to Jack.”……This is an expanded noun phrase.

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    1. Carmen you have to make sure you add more info on what that feature does and how it help the writing.You also need to make sure that what you are doing and how you present it is clear and that the reader won’t get confused.

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  6. Quickly, he picked up the droid and raced out of the door before he was shouted at again= Dialogue[ that conveys character and advances the action]
    In 2621 on the Planet Zordo= Technical vocabulary[ specific to sci-fi]
    a young but poor boy =Expanded noun phrase
    Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet (that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game)=Paraenthisis
    asked the curious looking old man=Paraenthisis

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  7. Whilst his mother was busy, he typed things on the micro tablet (that constantly shut down especially in the middle of a game). This is a relative clause.
    (that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game).This is parenthesis.

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  8. “Yes mother,” Jack groaned and nodded as he said it.
    This is a piece of dialogue that I have taken from the text. The dialogue tag in this sentence is a type of show not tell because it shows how Jack is feeling as he said it. “Groaned” is the word that sets the scene and without it, if you were acting, you would not know what expression to put in your voice

    “Droid” is a word that gives a sci-fi feeling to the text. Some other examples are: portal, micro tablet and dimension.

    “In 2621 on the Planet Zordo” is an opener that suggests that this text is set in the future. The sci-fi words als0 give a hint of the future to this story.

    “(that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game).” This is a relative clause because it begins with a relative pronoun. The parenthesis in this sentence are brackets because they separate the relative clause.

    “a young but poor boy” is an expanded noun phrase. I know this because it has a noun (boy) and extra information around it to give more detail.

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  9. (that constantly shut down – especially in the middle of a game). this is a relative clause it contains non-vital info with commas and brackets. In the example above the author has used brackets.

    a young but poor boy. this is an expanded noun phrase which means you add a tiny bit more infomation on the noun usually a adjective

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  10. “Where are you going with that droid boy?” asked the curious looking old man.
    That is using dialog tag to add emotion so the reader can imagine what his face would be like when he’s asking a question. You can tell that the traditional tale had been turned into a scifi because of how it had been changing some of the main bits of it like the cow has been replaced by a droid and instead of a bean stalk it’s a portal. Although going through all those scifi changes it had still kept the main story.

    “Coming mother,”
    Dialog is used for when characters speak and there is more narrated parts than dialog
    but the dialog is only little bits for each character.you put speech marks around speech so that the reader knows when someone is reading.

    he said with an eager look on his face and a twinkle in his eye: it is an extra bit of information about a noun in that bit it was the old man.

    Parenthesis:
    he heard his mum shout, “Jack, Jack, GOLD!” the exclamation mark in this means their overjoyed,but in other cases they might be scared or angry.

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  11. In 2621 on the Planet Zordo-vocabulary specific to sci-fi it is vocabulary from the future for example this sentence is futuristic because we are in 2017 and 2621 is far away from us

    he had left-present perfect a present perfect is the word has or had in front of a verb

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  12. carefully fixed his droid
    He has used scifi because it’s a scifi story

    He carefully fixed his rusty old droid.

    It tells shows us that he is poor because if he was rich he wood have a brand new amazing droid. It makes me fell really upset for the reader because he has no money to get a new one.

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  13. a young but poor boy

    Is not telling us about it is just saying he is poor it need to add more detail so the redder knows about the kid.

    A little, lonely, poor boy who was siting on an old, dusty, chair.
    HHH: this is a sci-fi sentence now this makes the reader know what about the person and how he is feeling.

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  14. his mother begged
    The writer used emotive language to make the reader feel sorry for the character.

    As tears dripped down her cold pale cheeks, his mother begged.

    HHH: I like my improvement because there is better vocabulary and it has a much bigger impact on the reader.

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  15. boy carefully fixed his droid

    They have used sci-fi in the story then it’s a sci-fi story.

    The little, but poor boy fixed his old tatty droid.

    I think that the second one sounds much better beacase the second one is saying more emphasis and the first
    Just saying a boy carefully fixed his droid its just saying how dose he fixed his droid. The seconed one
    Is giving the reader more emphasis.

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  16. he typed things on the micro tablet

    The writer has chosen sci-fi language to set the setting, the writer didn’t want to
    Write the settings in real life but he did it
    in the space/future.

    He typed things on the special micro
    tablet- while the power shut down-.
    HHH: I like my improvement because it gives more information and the impact on the rider is what is going to happen next in the story

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  17. carefully fixed is droid
    He has used scifi language because the settings are set in a futuristic mode

    He carefully fixed his rusty old droid.

    It tells us that he is poor because if he was rich he wood have a brand new amazing droid. It makes me fell really upset for the reader because he has no money to get a new one.

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