An Excerpt From My Story

… As soon she had made her decision, the force of the vortex sucked her in and she was looking around in astonishment : this dimension was an incredible sight. She ducked as an unrecognisable object hung over her head, when she peeked up she noticed a colossal, evil-looking Robo-Rex marching to what seemed like a secret room. Cautiously, the Robo-Rex entered a pin and the door swung open, revealing piles and stacks of coins, allowing him to collect the money.                                                                                                                                                Suddenly, the alien (who was called Zinc) appeared and he said, “One press of the pause button will freeze time”…                                                                                                                                               

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One thought on “An Excerpt From My Story”

  1. Slavena, this is a really interesting extract from your story; I’d love to know what happens next! I particularly like your use of descriptive anguage to help me magine it all in detail as I am reading. You’ve also used different subordinating conjunctions to help add those extra details in effectively. Obviously this is a very dramatic part of the story and I think using some short sentences in your writing, as well as the longer ones, would help build the suspsense for your readers. Just one or two can really make a difference sometimes!

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