An excerpt from my story

…There was a white light facing Katie. She tried blocking the light with her hand. It worked. She looked around. It was blank silence , until she heard what it sounded like footsteps. But they weren’t just any type of footsteps. They were a giant’s footsteps. She peered, with her hand still on her eyes. Katie suddenly ducked from a strange , dark figure which glided  over her head . The moment when she looked up, her mouth dropped. She saw what it looked like a robot giant. Katie has never seen one before in her life but she has heard of them. She couldn’t believe her eyes. The giant was one second away from stepping on the poor girl when she heard the old lady’s voice that she traded her hover board for the magic remote control.

” Click the red button to stop time NOW ! ” shrieked the old lady.

Katie then did as she was told as quick as she could.


Time immediately stopped.

” The way to the secret door is that way, ” spoke the old lady, pointing to her right.

Katie then started walking slowly but steadily to her right , until at one point, she found herself in front of a huge door. She opened the door – her eyes twinkled. She was speechless. The room was absolutely filled with gold. She took as much as she could but in the process , she didn’t realize she was pressing the green button (which unfreezes time). The giant turns around and immediately sees Katie.

” MY GOOOOOOLD !!!! ” yelled the giant.

” Come, this way, jump, NOW ! ” shrieked the old lady.

Katie jumped back through the vortex rapidly…



One thought on “An excerpt from my story”

  1. Imogen – I really enjoyed reading this section of your story. You have created suspense with your vocabulary choices. I wonder if you could use some punctuation to add to this suspense? A mixed of short sentences and longer ones using dashes are really good at creating an exciting atmosphere for the reader.


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